This is a story of a reddit user named as "Unusual_Trade5917" regarding his PMO obsession. It is shared to you for extracting lessons from it and be aware about your personal compulsive behaviors for which you have been suffering. The story is given in the following text.
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I am a 24M. I started masturbating when I was 11 years old. This was after my friends in school kept talking about it and how it feels so good. One day on the bus two of my classmates explained to me exactly how to do it. So on a Saturday morning I lay in bed having just woken up. Bored already I decided to try. I had a mind blowing orgasm. It was the best shit I had ever felt in my entire life. My legs were literally shaking from the intense rush. It was crazy! The cum surprised me so after wiping it off I went to the toilet and did it again. I had another mind blowing orgasm! Oh how little did I know that this would ruin my life.
From the time I had gotten into school I was always at the top. It’s just the reality, I’m not bragging. When I began school I would just do well. I think my father took notice of my ability and then decided to hone my skills. After that I was consistently top 2 in my class. Looking back I don’t think I was even trying. Masturbation changed everything. I don’t know what it does to the brain but this demon of masturbation (and porn) is very very patient. Of course, once I started I didn’t immediately drop to last position. In fact I never have to this day. Keep reading and see why.
Come 13 years old. I’m still masturbating every single day. My parents would not allow us to have phones during school days and so porn was never really an option. I figured my only option was movies. Whenever I was home alone I would take all the movie cd’s we had and watch them in fast forward looking for erotic scenes. This of course would take a lot of my time. Around this time I also got my PS3. FIFA became my life. After school instead of studying, I would play FIFA and build my ultimate team. My studies took a back seat. This is important because 10 year old focused me would never allow this to happen. Masturbation had killed my drive to actually work hard.
In our educational system, there is a national exam at 14 years old. At 13, we get to do an exam that will determine our index number in our school, come the time to do our national exam at 14. Wonder what number I got? Already masturbation addicted me was able to get number 2. Yup. Even with all this masturbation and FIFA, I was still top 2 all the time. But things changed…
The pressure to live up to my name in this national exam started to hit me. I masturbated more than I had before. On weekends I would do it 11 times on Saturday. My parents had figured out that I would play PS after school. They started locking up the controllers. I borrowed one from my friend and continued playing. I continued masturbating. Exam time. I was not as ready as I should have been but I guess my hard work from all my previous years paid off.
I got an 82 average and was number 4 in my class. Above 80 is considered extremely good and I had earned direct admission into my high school. The whole family was proud of me. I was happy for myself too but I, of course, could have done better (this is me of 2024 saying that. Back then I was super elated). Like I said, this demon is very very patient. If it kills you quickly (e.g. if I failed miserably), then I would have quit there and then. But no, it does it slowly, then you think “well, it ain’t that bad.”
High school. Things get really bad. I am 15 and get a PS4. I of course buy FIFA with it and I’m back to building my new ultimate team. I am still masturbating very intensely. 3 to 4 times every single day. Oh btw, this reminds me, when I was 13-14, I would masturbate in class during exams. Some exams were really easy to me and I would therefore have time to kill. Since I was uncircumcised at the time (got circumcised before high school) it was fairly easy to do. I would do it and cum inside my boxers. Yup, I was that desperate to do it and just couldn’t wait.
Back to high school. Towards the end of my first year, being the pervert that I was, I started drawing dicks everywhere. On my classmates books, on their desks, and graduated to drawing them on the toilet cubicle doors and changing rooms’ doors and walls. Literally everywhere. At this point I honestly had stopped caring about my studies. I was never ever top 10 throughout my 4 years of high school. My index 1 friend who I was 2nd to at 14, was always top 3. That’s where I should have been. But I didn’t care. I was more focused on which door to draw a dick on. And these were not small drawings. No no. I would use permanent markers and draw a six foot dick with veins, and in the process of an orgasm.
Come second year of high school. I came with a new motivation to destroy school property. I started vandalizing toilets by flooding them. They would literally flood the whole toilet and come seeping under the door to the corridor. I would also flush down full toilet rolls and cause blockages to the sewage system. I was a class leader at the time and the school would call us to try find the culprits. Little did they know that I was the one doing it all. Eventually, I got caught.
I was suspended for one month. It should have been an expulsion but my good conduct saved me. In everyone’s eyes I was an angel. It was a surprise to everyone that I was the culprit. That one month at home, I was just…I don’t even know. All I did was masturbate and look for erotic scenes in movies. I clearly did not care at all. We had wifi at that time and so the bigger demon, the one that has been waiting patiently to make its entrance, finally came into the scene. PORN.
Now, this was NOT the first time I watched porn. The erotic scenes in movies count as porn. It’s just very patient. I started porn when I was basically 12 years old. But visiting porn sites started when I was 15 thereabout. I would only watch vanilla porn. As a matter of fact, to this day, I have never really strayed from it. The video I watched yesterday was still vanilla. I attribute this to my emotional side. I am an emotional guy and cry during movies and tv shows, especially when it involves love. What has always turned me on is love. But of course, porn always leads to crazy shit. I have explored gay porn, trans porn, BDSM, FemDom and even gone on cam sites and jerked off with other guys. I am not saying I’m any better. These just never last mostly because they never left me satisfied and/or left me disgusted by what I had just seen + disgusted in myself.
My suspension concluded and I was back in school. I stopped doing that shit that got me suspended. But someone continued! It wasn’t me. The guy got caught and EXPELLED. It all ended after that. I bet he was into masturbation and porn too. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING else, can get you do that filthy shit.
Having missed a month of school, I took advantage of it and never worked hard. Used it as an excuse to get bad grades cause I was “behind”, but in reality I just wasn’t studying. There’s a subject I liked and actually studied once and ended up being top 10, while the rest I was almost last. It was suspicious so I stopped studying overall.
Jump to my 3rd year of high school. Like at 13, at 17 and in 3rd year of high school, there is an exam that will determine your index number when doing the national exam in the 4th year of high school at 18 years of age. Porn use was not a lot by this time. Probably just once a month. But masturbation…I would have won an award for doing the most in my country.
This is the year I started copying in exams. Like I am very analytical and stuff. So my copying has never been just copying. I would plan. And I would plan hard. I’m not going to go into details cause that’s not the point of this post. But yeah, there was a time I was top in the whole class in Chemistry. I had copied. Eventually, no I didn’t get caught lol, I ended up index 35 out of 100 students. Not bad. I can’t quite remember how much I copied but I just know I did. I probably would have ended up in the bottom half if I hadn’t.
Come my last year. I knew I was fucked. I had copied my way through most of my last year too. 4 months to the national exam, the realization started to hit me that I would fail the exam. I was stressed and went into a depression. How do I cope? More masturbation. More porn. Which led to being more fucked in the coming exam. I had serious serious suicidal thoughts. Typing this, I of course never followed through.
My parents caught on (God bless them). My dad spoke to me. I never revealed anything. Just that I am sad and all. We had a heart-to-heart talk. I came out of it determined to conquer this fucking exam. If I failed I just knew it would break me.
In 2 months, I taught myself literally everything I could. I got a freaking 88 average mark in the national exam. For context, people do get 100. The highest in the class was a 96. The lowest a 35. So yeah, I did quite well. Oh, and I didn’t copy in the national exam : )
19 years of age now and heading to university. My good performance gets me into the university I want, doing the course I want to do. Not in school anymore, I have access to ALL my devices. This is when porn use became A LOT.
I got a girlfriend. I loved her so much. But porn had fucked my mind. I was not satisfied with one girl and loved the attention from multiple girls (not sexually). Btw, I am a guy that had always planned to wait for marriage. My virginity was dear to me and would be my gift to my wife.
I lost her. I couldn’t commit. I didn’t care at the time cause I was “happy” with talking to multiple girls, kissing some, and watching porn and masturbating at home. I eventually realized what I had lost once it was gone. It broke my heart terribly. How did I cope? More porn and more masturbation. The cycle is deadly. Truly.
My grades were of course suffering and I therefore went back to copying in exams. As before, I did it well. When I would copy I would get a high 80 or 90. Enough to even put me top of my class in university of all places. In exams I couldn’t copy, I would fail miserably getting 40s and 50s. At the end of it all, it would just aggregate to a 70 or around there. See what I’m getting at?
My porn use grew. Especially cause I wasn’t really studying. This is where I started exploring gay porn, trans porn, BDSM, FemDom and even going on cam sites and jerking off with other guys. This list is not exhaustive. I would do these for a short period of time and go back to watching vanilla, romantic, passionate, couple, love porn. These I would watch and masturbate to for HOURS. And wish I had someone that would love me like that.
I’m still copying in exams throughout btw. My average is still an A and I was on course for graduating top of my class. I know, it’s crazy. If I wasn’t copying, if the genuine 40s and 50s were anything to go by…I would have flanked everything honestly. I just think I would have repeated years and actually worked hard and gotten a B or sth like that. Not A, because I would still be watching lots of porn. But I think a B would have been better than a fake A. As you will see.
Remember how I said I was waiting for marriage? Well porn killed that. I had sex with a girl in my class that meant nothing to me. I never liked nor loved her. She was also very very loose and had a very high body count. For someone that valued sex so much and my virginity, this experience broke me. Completely. I kind of went like “fuck it!”. My porn use increased tenfold. I however vowed that I would never have sex again until marriage. That was when I was 22 and I have never had an intimate interaction with a woman since.
But porn…I would now watch it for hours. I’d keep tabs open, watch, masturbate, orgasm, back to university work, after 20 mins, repeat. I would masturbate and orgasm like 15 times a day. I was still copying in exams (btw, copying was never easy. I was just really good at it. My work was really preparation to copy. People got caught ALL THE TIME. So I would NEVER take preparation lightly. I worked VERY VERY HARD to copy. And it paid off).
Come end of uni. I am a severe porn addict with an honors degree of the highest class. I graduated top of my class without knowing shit. Yup. Let that sink in. My university is in the top 3 in the whole country too.
It’s now been almost 2 years since I completed uni. I told my parents that I want to do CFA. Why? Because I knew I didn’t know shit from uni. I was not competent enough to work. They supported me as usual cause I am that hardworking successful son. They paid all the fees. That was last year and my exam was set for February 2024. I had more than 8 months to study. As you can expect, I wasted them all. I would watch porn and play video games 24/7. I stopped taking care of myself and gained over 20 kgs. I am now overweight and sleep deprived cause I sleep at 6 am everyday after wasting time doing useless shit the whole day.
Come February, just like copying in university, I came up with a brilliant plan to have my parents believe that I had to defer. I am very manipulative clearly (porn has fucked all aspects of my life. I see that). They believe, how could they not?
I deferred my exam to November 2024 (they paid the fees once again). And cause I was supposedly ready for the Feb exam, I had to add in another online course to do alongside CFA. I didn’t manage 8 months of just CFA. Now I have two intense courses to do. Wtf is wrong with me?
I told myself I would stop porn and actually study this time. But of course that didn’t fucking happen. It is now October. I haven’t studied once again. I’ve just been watching movies, tv shows, playing video games and of course watching porn and masturbating to it MULTIPLE times a day. It’s to the point that two months ago I did intense research on a porn-star couple that hides their faces. I found their very very old videos where they showed their faces and started blackmailing them. I wanted free membership to their only fans. If they didn’t give it to me I would post their old videos everywhere I could.
They threatened me with lawsuits and all they could, but like copying in exams and most of the things I do, I am very meticulous. There was NO WAY they could find me and I knew it. So none of that fazed me. Eventually, they just blocked me. I went on to post the videos and they garnered thousands of views. But something the lady said stuck with me. “You are a terrible person that hurts the people you love.” I ended up deleting my posts to reflect on my life.
Nothing came of it. I went back to watching porn and masturbating again, and again, and again, and again. My last PMO was yesterday. 4 times. I am 43 days out to my November CFA exam. I registered for the February 2024 exam 15 months ago. 43 days out and I still haven’t studied shit. My life is fucked. I have no degree in my head, despite the fact that I have one on paper. I have no job. I have no friends. I have no girlfriend. I have NO ONE I talk to. I pushed away all my friends. I am an overweight piece of shit. Today I woke up a 4pm after sleeping at 7 am watching porn and YouTube. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Actually, I know I just need to stop porn and masturbation and my life would slowly get back on track. But fuck! I have been using them to cope for so many years. I HAVE to pass this exam or at least do my best these last 43 days. But if I do them without porn I am already stressed that I wouldn’t manage without porn. That makes me not start. But if I do them with porn then I will most definitely not study once again.
Porn is killing my dreams of life. I have always wanted a beautiful family that I can fully support. Now recently I’ve been looking at being childfree cause I am a selfish piece of shit that just wants to live life doing what I want when I want (which will just be video games and porn). I have now even started looking at just remaining single for the rest of my life and satisfying myself using porn. I am just so tired.
I wasted my university education and now I am about to waste this one too if I fail. I am now developing an eating disorder and plan to use it as an excuse if I fail. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. Life no longer has meaning. I hate it all.
Everyone reading this, porn is bad. Masturbation is bad. Masturbation in moderation is bad. Idc what anyone says. It’s what led me here. These demons are very patient. You can masturbate in moderation for 20 years and it will KILL sth in your life EVENTUALLY. Fuck all this shit.
I have decided to stop all this bullshit. Whatever happens in life, porn and masturbation just have to go. If I spend the rest of my life procrastinating shit in order to fight the urge to masturbate or watch porn, then so be it. I just have to stop feeding those two demons. No matter what it takes. I will do my best these 43 days left to the exam and hopefully, I pass.
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